Howling in boredom? Must be the Wolfman!

The Wolfman
Synopsis:
Well, there are lots of trees, fog, and gypsies. There's a wolfman and he eats and bites people. That makes another wolfman. Hugo Weaving looks like a tool in his facial hair and Anthony Hopkins loves to wear animals skins. Bam! I just saved you two hours of your life!


Review:
This review is written while I watch this movie, so it's kind of random and rambling.
The Wolfman starts out a bit bloody, but surprisingly slow. I'm not quite sure if they were trying to build an old school tension or bore the audience to fear. Another scary aspect is that everyone in the movie seems to have a different accent. I spent the first 20 minutes trying to figure out if they were in Scotland, Ireland, England, or Fairyland. I then spent another 10 waiting for something to happen. This movie had such promise, I mean it's the story of the wolfman, you could do so many cool things with it. Or you could make a movie with lots of shots of trees and clouds. Yay scenery. :p
When the action does start, well the gore is very bloody and stylized and the animals very CGI'd. I kinda felt like they were spending their budget in all the wrong places. "We don't need a believable looking bad guy, we need more fog and CGI houses!" Underworld had much cooler and more believable wolves, so what does that say to you? Oh and did you know that gypsies train master surgeons? So if you ever get your throat ripped open, you should look for a gypsy caravan and not a doctor!
The first time you see Anthony Hopkins, he is wearing this sweet tiger smoking jacket/robe thing, I totally want one! There's nothing that says hot quite like a musky apex predator! Unfortunately, Benicio del Toro is one ugly guy. Some people may think he's rugged or something, but yuck he does not do it for me. Old Anthony is actually more attractive than he is. If a movie is going to be this slow, it's too bad they could get someone really attractive to stare at for two hours. :( Hugo is, well, Hugo. Love the voice, hate the mullet and chops!

And... I just realized we have another hour to go at this point. *sigh*  I think they insituted this treatment at the theaters to keep people awake. ---->

Oh good, the transformation, finally! So... Do you know what's not so cool? The sound of stuck cracking associated with the human body. Eww. Though I will say, he does have a sweet howl. There were a couple cool shots reminiscent of the original movie, but overall, the movie still managed to be boring while mauling people and scattering intestines. Nice, you know every time you think this movie can't get any worse, enter random weird editing and effects... and more intestines. Here's a question. Can you wear leopard print after Labor Day? Or is that only a summer fur? I wish we weren't out of wine at this point, I just decided it would be fun to take a drink every time I see intestines! Though even without alcohol, guessing how many people will die in each transformation is fun too.
*The most important thing I learned from watching the Wolfman, when you have no silver, wolfmen are very flammable so setting them next to any open flame should do the trick.


My Recommendation:
Skip it. Maybe watch it on TV. But if you want to watch a werewolf movie, watch An American Werewolf in Paris instead, as it's a fun romp where you don't spend your time waiting for something to happen. I mean when the director tells you that he took 17 minutes out of the original version to "get to the first wolfman transformation" which happens over an hour into the film, that's not a good sign for excitement.